There is a line from the book "The Fellowship of the Rings" by Tolkien, where Aragorn is speaking to Boromir who is about to die and he says, "I do not know what strength is in my blood, but I swear to you I will not let the White City fall, nor our people fail. " I have put a great deal of thought into the first part of this quote....I do not know what strength is in my blood. When my Far Mor (grandma) was around the age of 22 she left her home in Norrkoping, Sweden and immigrated to UT, USA. My grandmother had decided that since joining the LDS church she would move to UT and marry the missionary who had converted her to the LDS faith. My grandmother and her sister were the only two members of her family who joined the church. When she told her father that she was going to go to UT and marry this young man that she had been writing to, her father was angry and disowned my grandmother. Grandma gritted her teeth, packed everything she owned into a small trunk, took the money she had earned from working in a textile factory, and left for America. Grandma's dad told her that he would rather be taking her to the cemetery than to the train station and that she was no longer a member of the family. Grandma didn't waver, she knew what she wanted and was going to stop at nothing to get it. Grandma did not speak 1 word of English. Needless to say, the journey to America was difficult. Grandma recalled to us a story of a man sitting by her on the train who noticed that she hadn't eaten for many long hours and decided to order her some food. Grandma was very grateful for his act of kindness.
Life as an immigrant in America at this time was hard, living in a very small town unable to speak English was very hard, losing your 1st born child at the age of 3 from pneumonia was hard, having your husband gone for many weeks at a time as a shepherd while you are home with your kids unable to speak English was hard, AND yet......my grandmother persevered. Grandma was one tough and determined woman. Living in the UK feeling alone and awkward in a country that isn't my own I have often thought about my grandma and admired her strength. There is no doubt that my grandmother was NOT afraid to do things that were hard.
I have spent the last 17 weeks training for a Marathon. It is true that I have run 2 other Marathons, but I can say in all honesty that it is just as difficult this time as it was the other 2....it does not get any easier. I have not missed a single run, and I have not run any further than my training guide has told me to. I have had several runs where I wanted to die and several runs where I have finished feeling great. This Marathon training has taught me that I can in fact do hard things.....and that I do not know what strength is in my blood :) There have been a few runs where I have been tempted to stop and walk, or not complete the set distance and shorten my run.....but I haven't. Not because anyone would see me, or notice, or even care, but I would know.....and I would care..... and the only thing worse than cheating someone else is cheating yourself.
I have been blessed with a really tough mother and a couple of really tough and determined grandma's. Whether this toughness is the result of nature or nurture I am uncertain, but I do know that I have been shown that when the going get tough the tough get going. On my difficult runs I feel like my grandma and all of my feisty pillaging and plundering Viking relatives who are up in heaven are pulling together and telling me to show them what I am made of. There are times when I feel the strength of my ancestors boiling in my veins pushing me onward.....I know it sounds crazy, but I feel it. Living in a society where the easy way out is more common than determination and hard work, I feel blessed to have the desire to do hard things. I am grateful for the examples of strong women I have had in my life that taught me to stand up for the things that you believe in, sacrifice for what is right, work hard, and never....ever....ever....give up.
Years later grandma was able to reconcile with her family and travelled back to Sweden to visit several times. This past summer I went with my dad on a trip to visit his cousins in Norrkoping, Sweden and felt a renewed admiration for my grandma. Sweden is gorgeous and the people were wonderful. I am a deep believer that we are able to do anything we set our minds to doing, if there is a will there is a way. I am a mother of 2 who is 20lbs. heavier than my muscular BMI weight, but I can run.....because I am determined to do so. Sometimes our goals and dreams come with sacrifice, like my grandma being disowned by her family. Training becomes a sacrifice of time, eating habits or drinking habits, sleeping habits, and you experience a myriad of discomforts from chaffing, to blisters, to lost toe nails, to kidney failure....but in the end it is worthwhile. I have said before and I will say it again, the things that matter most to people are the things they have worked the hardest for.
Here is a picture of me just before I left for my 20 mile run......I can assure you that the return picture would have looked much different. Running 20 miles alone with the thoughts in your head is difficult and sometimes you feel like you are going crazy, but it is rewarding when you have finished. I am so grateful for the amazing family and friends that I have been blessed with who continually cheer me on and encourage me and joyfully celebrate my journey with me. I am grateful for the awesome friends and family that encourage, support, and are happy for me when I am able to do things that are hard rather than drinking a jar of pickle juice when I accomplish a goal :) The Lord has been very good to me and I am so very blessed to have my life filled with people who are the best!
1 more week to go and then I will be able to know what strength is in my blood ;)
