The Flash

The DC comic super hero "The Flash" is known for his super speed, super reflexes, and ability to violate the laws of physics. He has nothing on the Blue One. Scoff, scorn, and mock me, but it is true. Nicknamed "Wild Bill" in the NICU, the Blue One has proven to appear out of nowhere, scale dressers, beds, cupboards, and when the frequent injury occurs he merely wanders off bleeding or bruised, but usually without tears. I don't profess to be the best mom in the world, deficient is an understatement, but I try. I try really hard. The Blue One would have been a perfect Spartan boy. The Spartans would take their sons out of the home at the age of 7 and put them in military training until they were 18 where they would then transition into the army as a trained killing machine. Their strength, speed, and skill were unbeatable, you were 1st a Spartan, second a person. Well, the Blue One would have thrived in this rough and tumble society. Instead, he is stuck at home with a crazy mom trying to tame him. Exhausting.

Look at that face with those Hippo teeth. Sweet right? I love him to bits and pieces. Just yesterday I left the room to get my phone that was ringing. When I re-entered the room there he was with a palate knife in his hand and a look on his face that said "Oh CRAP!" I looked over and this is what I saw.......scroll down.

I know, I know, who would be dumb enough to leave out a palate knife? I can assure you I am not. This is where his "Flash" like ability to violate the laws of physics come into play, because I still have no idea where the dang thing came from. That would be my ottoman, scratched and scraped all over. Aaaagh! The scene was something like this: me purple faced and screaming "Blue One!!!" Seconds, it took seconds and he had done that much damage. A few days later we encountered this incident.......scroll down.

The Blue One is barging in on the Pink One while she is trying to potty, she hollers at me "Maaaa-om, he has a shaver." I run to snatch the thing out of his hand for literally the 100th time, producing it again from nowhere. What I see is a ring of blood around his mouth which is about to drip a big dark drop on the carpet. I grab him, he is smiling at me, snatch the thing out of his mouth, and try to wipe the blood off before it gets everywhere. I grab my phone to document it for dad since I can see everything is fine, and the toad starts to cry because I am wiping his face off. He had 3 little razor cuts on his lip, was bleeding profusely, but only gets mad and cries when I try to wipe the blood off. The little stinker. I am thinking that prayers are going to be the only thing to keep this one alive. Love him, but seriously!

Parenting is hard. Soooo hard. You don't want to stifle your piggies natures, but you also don't want them beating up other kids on the play ground. I am going to try to channel the Blue One's "Flash" like skills to be awesome instead of lethal, a work in progress I am afraid. Based on the many comments we have received at church I am not sure if England is ready for "Wild Bill," but ready or not....here he is.